The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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