So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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