the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
