She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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