shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
