I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
