Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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