just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
