So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
