This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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