My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
