Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
