$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My feet surprised me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
