Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
