I just pynch a tree in the face
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
