She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found the puke drawer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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