He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
