The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
