But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
