Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I faked an abortion last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Shame - the story of my life.
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