Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
