good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
