Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
