alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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