There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
