We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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