I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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