as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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