is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
