weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
