Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You're like the curious george of whores
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
