What a fucking waste of an outfit
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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