He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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