I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
