You made me cry and you don't even care
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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