Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
