Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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