I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
