your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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