Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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