my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
