I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
