You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
