Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she smelled like a LAN party
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, beer. Big fan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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