Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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