I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM VODKA MAN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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