wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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