READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
