My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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