i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
