It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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