he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
