Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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