remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
