Your mouth is God's brothel.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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