I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
