The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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