she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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