Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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